I’ve never been able to envisage the future. Geez, I even struggle to figure out what to eat for the next two nights. If I closed my eyes to think about my future and what it might look like, the image would be fuzzy and I’d have no clue, so I’d give up. I live in the moment and even a little bit in the past which I reckon has meant that I get a little stuck. Or a lot stuck. There’s nothing wrong with living in the present but I’m learning more and more that you kind of get nowhere without a bit of a vision. Or you get there without much thought having gone into it and it’s like “shit, what do I do now?” I’m a slow learner!
I remember going for a walk around Yarra Park with my boss at Richmond Football Club years ago and him asking me “where do you see yourself in five years time?” Huh. Err, umm, I dunno. Even when I was pregnant with Mitch, I gave little thought to what it would mean for Anth and I after he was born. All that focus on the birth, when for most mums, it’s a blink of an eye compared to what comes next. Seriously, 6 weeks of birth lessons? Biggest waste of time EVER. Six weeks of “you know what, your life is about to change forever and here’s some strategies on how to deal with it” lessons would have been far more beneficial. But I digress.
I have tried half heartedly in the past to think about the future and what it holds for me but with little success. However in the last few weeks, after some really deep thinking which is required in the Finding Your Direction eCourse I’m doing (sorry to bang on about it but it’s been quite profound) and some guided meditation, a vision of where I’d like to be in ten years time and what it looks like has become quite clear. Very clear. The vision obviously involves Anth and the boys, it draws on my values, some creative stuff and a change in my ‘career’. It’s a one page document that I’ll share with four people and that’ll be all because I’m not courageous enough to share it with the world. Because what if I fail?!
I already know how I’ll achieve some of my vision and instinctively I know how other parts will take care of themselves but it will require some planning and goal setting. Wouldn’t say they’re two of my favourite things, however necessary they are. Bit like cooking; necessary but I’m not a big fan.
But I’m feeling real optimism and a sense of excitement about the long term future. For too long I’ve just meandered along without giving much thought to what comes next, so I’ve really just continued doing what I know. I haven’t felt this excited for years and while I’m sure there will be speed bumps along the way and there’ll be day to day stuff that’ll challenge me, overall I’m in a really great space right now and it feels, I don’t know, different to how I’ve ever felt before.