It takes a village…

Okay, not quite the village I was talking about…

I have no time for this mummy wars bizzo. No time. Even those two words want to make me throw up. No doubt there’s judgement going on because that’s what we do (don’t we?!) but that happens in all facets of life so, meh. Perhaps it’s a ploy to sell newspapers and magazines, who knows. But what’s more interesting to me is the way that, when somebody’s chips are down, the village takes over.

Some examples. I’ve written about my friend whose husband left her (very) unexpectedly late last year. Well the village has come to the fore. We can’t take away her pain and devastation, but the village can help fix her house for sale and be there for her on auction day so she doesn’t have to face the stupid prick on her own.

When a mum is sick or does her calf and achilles in netball (ahem, hi Deb), there will be offers from all over the place to pick her kids up, bring them home or take them to footy training so she doesn’t have to drag her sorry arse (and crutches) to school or some windswept oval.

A few years ago when Mitch was in 4yo kinder, one of the mums fell very ill. There was a roster made up and we all made one or two meals for her and her family so that was one less thing for her to worry about. Thankfully she recovered and is now team manager of Mitch’s footy team!

A couple of weeks ago we had a mum and her 3 kids over for dinner because her husband was away for a few weeks. She sat and read the paper and relaxed because she could.

And last week a friend told me of her separation. So friggen sad. But one of the other mums said to her “let the village help you”. And that’s what it is. From the small things like picking up the kids if you’re working, sick, stuck in traffic to the big things like separation and serious illness – the village is there for you.

Now that’s more interesting than who breastfed for however long because honestly that stuff doesn’t matter. No really, it doesn’t. What matters is being able to help someone in need whether they’re a mum, dad, friend or whatever. That’s what counts.

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5 Responses to It takes a village…

  1. Libbie says:

    As a warrior in her own village of being “left to dry” after a failed relationship I was left to do the usual crap jobs to survive ie selling a house and being the 24/7 housekeeper/gardner/cook/mower/fix-it guy. Lisa I applaude your village work. I’m older than most mums I am in groups with (school, mothers group, etc) – so alot assume I can do it fine. I can now. But boy I wish I had a village when Jack was a few months old. Bless you all xxx

    • Lisa says:

      I hear you Lib, what an awful time for you. Sometimes it can look as if people are going okay but in truth they’re not. That’s where the courage to ask for help comes in. I think that’s why I do the home visits to new mums because even though I had Anth, there was certainly no village when Mitch was born and that’s because people were busy with their own lives not because they didn’t care. When Mitch was about 3 months old Anth found me crying in our room before he went to work and so he called 3 of my close mates and they were there for me straight away. So to those who are struggling, don’t be afraid to ask…there are people willing to help and sometimes it comes from the most unexpected source. xx

      • Libbie says:

        There were awful times but as time goes on those awful times are harder to remember. Good on you for the work you do with new mums – i’d love to be able to give back – especially to the single mums. xxx

  2. Sally says:

    Good on ya Leese. I don’t have that support network – and haven’t had for the past few years of ‘my troubles’…have done everything myself when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. Oh well, clearly I’m not dead, and maybe I’m stronger than I give myself credit for? X

  3. Mel says:

    I have when Mart did his back when I was due to give birth to Indi…my sister and best friends were there to hold my hand whilst I gave birth and mart came in and out of the labour ward with a walking stick.then the next day he went in for a Second Lamenectemy….and was on his back for the next 8 weeks….but then in time of need with three kids under 5 and a husband on his back we had amazing support and help with food and dinners,baths etc from those friends you know you can rely on.But sometimes it’s your closest friends that sometimes don’t pull thru as they don’t know what to do and can’t cope with what we might be going thru……not just with Marty’s back but on going life!! Maybe I’m just talking to myself but I know what I’m saying…actually Lis..I think u might know as you know me Best!funny how you think your friends know you but in fact they don’t at all!

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