Anth has to go away for 3 days next week. This isn’t a usual occurrence. He has to go to Jeparit – yeah, I don’t know where it is either. But I’m sure it’s an obscure enough place that he couldn’t make that shit up if he was going away with his mistress for a couple of nights of passion. God knows he gets none here! But that’s for another blog post. Actually probably not, Anth would kill me!
But what that means is that my planned little bursts of freedom are thrown a bit. And I think we all know how I get if my freedom value is messed with. I can’t help it; I get resentful and annoyed because he can just nick off for a few days without giving it a second thought. Though he probably did think “fuck, Lisa’s not going to like this”. He knows I’m here so he doesn’t have to write lists of the ten thousand things that need to be done while he’s gone because I already do them (which, by the way, I’m fine with doing). Though, I’ve just had a thought, WHO IS GOING TO COOK OUR DINNER???? But you know, things like take the kids to school, pick them up, making sure they have clean school uniform and school football jumper and Rovers football shorts and jumper and oh shit, blah blah’s got a party and I have to get a present. WHAT? It’s ‘dress up in sports gear day’ and they need their Saints gear and take a gold coin donation. Not to mention scrounging for a yellow t-shirt for Soccerama and oh crap there’s no bread for lunches…no that’s okay it’s Friday tomorrow so I can order their lunch online. Oh hang on, it’s only Wednesday so I’ll have to get some cheese rolls on the way to school. Take them to footy training, sit in a freezing car on days they don’t have training so they can, yep, kick a footy. All that and lots, lots more AND work. (By the way, you can see how I came up with my blog name, jumbled mind anyone?)
Just on the freezing car, kicking footy thing, I was chatting to a mum of 3 boys the other day and I was saying that people who have a boy/girl or all girl family don’t understand how much boys need to get out of the house and expend their energy. I think they feed off each other’s testosterone build up. I have a very unscientific theory that boys with sisters don’t get as wired.
Anyway, to create the illusion of freedom and escaping I head to a running group at the Tan on Wednesday nights and I walk with a lifelong friend, Niki, on Thursday nights. Except now I can’t go on that walk because I have to take Mitch to Cubs and pick him up (Anth’s job) and I have to get my dad, who lives in Gisborne, to come and sit with the kids on Wednesday night so I can get severely punished on the running track. No big deal you say? Put it this way, if your top value was financial security and you didn’t know where your next dollar was coming from, how would you feel? If it was honesty and the ones you loved lied to you, how would you feel? If you loved creating but you were stuck in a non creative job, how would you feel?
This is something I’ve struggled with from the day I had Mitch. It’s not the kids’ fault. But I’m waiting for the day when, if Anth has to nick off
to have an affair for work for 3 days, I can leave the kids by themselves – without a second thought – while I go to my running group without having to impose on someone to sit with them. Now THAT is a big deal to me.