Chicks with big arses

Original photo appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald. Photo taken by John Woudstra

Saw this tweet on Twitter:

They should bring out Special Edition Black Caviar Jeans for chicks with big arses.

So I was going to fire back:

Great idea – and while they’re at it, perhaps they can make one for men with ugly heads. 

But of course I didn’t. There’s numerous reasons why, apart from the fact my comment is just downright mean, but the original tweet was from someone I used to know in my previous life and it would probably just cause a shitfight. And besides, my beef isn’t with him, it’s with society in general and this incessant quest for perfection or the pretence of perfection, because there is no such thing.

This is who I want to be but it’s one hell of a fight!

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5 Responses to Chicks with big arses

  1. Matthew says:

    I read your blog with great interest.

    Firstly there would be no shitfight. I am more than mature enough to enjoy robust conversation.

    Secondly the comment was made in reference to a range of black caviar products that are hitting the shelves and include shampoo, face cream etc.
    I also tweeted they should have Black Caviar lube. No doubt a big seller given the high rate of wankers in the racing industry.

    And finally this big arse thing is an Aussie womans paranoid reaction. Chill the fuck out!
    Or head to the West Indies or African cultures where the booty is celebrated with the gusto a good jiggle can provide. I never said I didnt like round arses! In fact I do.

    And I hear you ask what would a white guy like me know about African Culture ?
    Been married to a proud very hot voluptuous African woman for 5 years.

    Thang you vairy maaaarch!!!

    • Lisa says:

      Matty, I wish that I could chill the fuck out but, even though your comment was tongue in cheek and I read it out of context, why do you think Australian women ARE so paranoid? Because we’re thrown a ‘diet’ (ahem) of beautiful, airbrushed, thin, etc, etc, women on our magazines, televisions, online so much that it becomes what we think is the norm and when we don’t look like that (99% of us) we feel shame / not good enough – even though most of us are smart enough to know better. Even ‘real’ women are airbrushed. Actually I haven’t bought a mag in YEARS but you get my drift.

      Here’s another, more personal example of trying to be ‘perfect’. When women have babies we’re supposed to be happy, content, in love, whereas the reality can be a lot different and we’re afraid to speak up because we feel like we’re not good enough, how could we feel like this, blah blah blah, so we don’t say anything and we’re miserable because we think we’re the only ones who feel like this: I SHOULD be loving this, I SHOULD be over the moon because I have a baby, I SHOULD be grateful because so many women can’t have babies… In some cultures, the mother is nurtured and it takes a village to raise a child. Here? Not so much. I’ve heard it firsthand as a vol counsellor and experienced it as a first time mum over ten years ago. I actually thought I was going mad because I had this vision and expectation of what a mother should be when in reality it was a whole lot different. Wish I knew then what I know now!

      Basically, my point was let’s give people a break and stop the judgements and let’s try and be those things listed on the painting above. That way we can feel loved and have a sense of belonging – even if we have a fat arse or we’ve just had a baby and our house is messy.

      Aside from that, is the shampoo and face cream for horses or people?!

  2. Matt says:

    OMG is the sky falling in ?

    No.

    Add lacking a sense of humour to paranoid please.
    Go back to the original tweet.
    As you pointed out said tongue in cheek.
    You can either giggle or ignore… But I am not so sure it derserves the attention of such diatribe.

    Australians are known for their easy going attitude and sense of humour… Or at least used to be. Now we prefer to be uptight politically correct humourless worry wart who probably as I referred to earlier need to

    ‘chill the fuck out’

    Your blog the other day mentione you are in a rut.
    He’s a suggestion. Try something putside the norm.
    Somethong that makes you laugh, over comes fear or pumps adrenalin.

    Whater, go to a comedy show, go to a rock concert, parachute out of a plane, go to a singing lesson, learn to dance the fucking tango with your man.
    Whatever but as the great John Kennedy said:
    “dont think, Doooo
    Dont hope, Doooo.
    At least you can come of the ground and say I did something’

    And maybe then you will take that first step to a life of positive thoughts, a life filled with laughs, a life not worrying about how big your arse is or how arses are portayed.
    A step closer to…..

    CTFO

    Thang ypu vaiirrry maaarrrchhh

    • Lisa says:

      There’s two parts of your response. One I really love, the other shits me to tears.

      The one that shits me to tears is chill the fuck out which I guess is the same as ‘get over it’. Those sort of responses are why some people don’t speak out if they’re feeling in a rut or worse, unhappy or depressed. Clearly I have no problems with speaking out! I’m in a small rut, but I’m not unhappy or depressed – but I have been in that space and to be told ‘chill out’ or ‘get over it’ is sooooooooooooooooo boring. If someone’s wife, husband, child, told them they were unhappy, how do you think they’d feel if they heard, CTFO or get over it? Unloved. Disconnected. And then they’d retreat and there goes your partnership. Divorce baby. But, in some ways I hear you. I KNOW there are others who read this and think exactly as you do. I think there are only one or two people in life you can actually speak the truth to – who don’t say get over it, or you’ll be right, but they actually listen with empathy and compassion – so I get that you don’t get it and you think I’m being an uptight, politically correct, humourless worry wart. Meh.

      The part I absolutely love: all your suggestions about how to get out of a rut to overcome the fear or pump adrenalin. They’re not particularly things I’d do but the idea of it is fab. I ran a half marathon last year and it was awesome considering I’m, errr, completely unfit. The suggestion was made in that post to find something that you love or want to do and do one thing a week to aim for it. Love this.

      I suspect my rut is because this time last year we were doing small renovations ready to rent our house out to go on a ten week road trip. I think I’m suffering PRTD. Post road trip disorder. Ahhhh the freedom of being on the road…I’d spend my whole life on the road visiting the world. There’s that small matter of children and the fact I’d have NO patience to caravan school them. None. Nada. Zip. Zero.

      Thanks for the robust debate Matty. Shall we debate the merits of Richmond getting into the top 8 and the mighty Pies winning another grand final???

  3. Matt says:

    I think there is something in that for us all !

    I will leave you with this great lyric from the great rapper
    Sir MixaLot

    ‘ i like butts and I cannot lie,
    You other brothers can deny””

    Thang you vairy march

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