Being a mother of boys only

I can categorically say that I’ve never yearned for a girl. Not in the sense that some do and I’ll do my best to explain what I think that yearning is. It’s the special but sometimes complicated mother/daughter relationship – there is a tie that binds, no matter what the circumstances. All through my life, I’ve seen some extremely close mother/daughter relationships that you don’t tend to see with mothers and their sons. It’s a female thing. The conversations are different – they can only occur between those who experience the same thing, albeit in a different generation. And for women who are close to their mums but who then only have boys, this yearning can run deep into the soul.

On a much less deeper level, it’s the shopping together, the ‘doing things’ together, the being able to dress your little girl in cute things, decorating her room…

I’ve never really thought about the impact not having girls will have on me eventually until a conversation with another mother of boys only. It was along the lines of the boys grow up and leave home and don’t need their mothers; don’t have that special tie that binds and they don’t ‘do things’ with their mums that girls do. So it’s ‘what now?’ for the mums.

Well probably. I’m not sure how brilliant a mum I would have been having a girl. I have next to no interest in shopping. I couldn’t decorate myself out of a cardboard box and the girl hormones are ones I’m not sure I’d cope with! And on that deeper level? Well I don’t know. I don’t have that with my mum and have never had it with my sister so it’s not something I really relate to in a blood sense. I have a deeper connection with my friends more than my family. As much as I love them.

So perhaps not ever having it with my own family means I don’t miss not having my own girls. Who knows. What gives me hope that I won’t be completely abandoned (!) is the wonderfully close relationship Anthony’s mum Daph has with her 4 boys. They love and adore her; are always in contact with her and Anth still says “love you mum” when he finishes a conversation on the phone.

I love this saying. You can get these from The Wall Sticker Company.

Meanwhile? We’ll continue on with the wrestling, physical fighting and noise levels that only exist in a home of boys only. I’ll send them outside and to their rooms to fight and wrestle and hope that no-one knocks a tooth out!!

I love being the mother of boys only, I really do, despite their need to be physical and noisy (and it’s no secret this can shit me, even though I get that’s what boys do). I feel special that I’m the only girl in the house – or as the lovely Deb says – the queen of the household. I can nurture them, annoy them (I mean who doesn’t do a silly dance in front of a TV show they’re watching??), guide them on how to express their feelings, acknowledge their feelings to balance the wrestling bit and rise early on a Sunday morning for the football ritual. I mean netball – uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

PS – I just flicked on an article that said “A new study has found that girls as young as 6 years want to be sexy.” That’s a whole new post. Jeez.

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12 Responses to Being a mother of boys only

  1. Love it! I’m like you. I would struggle to relate to a girly girl. My son and I are super close though. He tells me all his secrets and shares stuff with me he shares with no-one else. I hope it stays that way. Lovely post! x

  2. Krystle_Sky says:

    I’m another with only just boys (so far). I’ve been so surprised by how incredibly affectionate boys are when they’re little, and it makes me a little sad to think of them growing up and not wanting to continue this. I was so apprehensive when I found out I was pregnant with a boy, baby boys were not something I had a whole lot to do with. 3 years later and that assumed comfort I’d have with a little girl is wavering. I just don’t know how a little girl would fit into the mix, she’d be tough, that’s for sure!

    Fabulous post with some really interesting questions.

    • Lisa says:

      Affectionate, YES! I forgot that bit. My 10yo is still affectionate…for now. And yes, she would definitely have to hold her own. Or it might go the other way and she’d be a right princess!

  3. Sally M says:

    A lovely friend once said to me that it was her responsibility to raise the kind of boys she would like to marry. On behalf of my girls (only) to all the mothers of boys only, I say thank you.
    I wonder what might have been if I had had a little fella – particularly for my hubby. But as they say at school “you get what you get and don’t get upset”. I ponder this as one of the few things in this life that money can’t buy (for most people). And (sorry, here come the schmalzy bit that will really really annoy some people), any healthy child is a blessing – I know coz I had one of the other kind for a while and I wouldn’t have cared if she was a girl, boy or banana as long as her blood counts were okay 🙂

    • Krystle_Sky says:

      Such wise comments! It amazes me that people continue having kids hoping to get a particular gender. I personally don’t understand it, and as much as I had to get used to the idea of boys, I wouldn’t change a thing and I’m incredibly thankful that they’re healthy. I can’t imagine the stress/pain/anguish parents of ill kids go through. Hope your little one is okay Sally!!

      • Sally M says:

        all good now thanks 🙂

      • Lisa says:

        I had a really interesting conversation with a mum of boys this morning. Apparently there is something called gender disappointment which can run deep for some mothers. It’s not something I’d ever heard of before but I did a quick Google search and these are some of the reasons it’s not talked about:

        * They are worried they will upset those who are having trouble conceiving
        * They don’t want to be looked at as being selfish or insensitive because their child is healthy
        * They are worried people will think that means that they will not love their child or be a bad mother

        Thankfully this isn’t something that I can relate to but there’s mums out there who do. They love the children that they have, but they yearn for a girl/boy.

  4. Libbie says:

    Lisa – funny I see you with boys only – you love footy more than ballet and can’t recall you ever drooling over an outfit on the cover of vogue! I grew up with 5 brothers no sisters – I played dolls, I love fashion mags and shopping and I ached for a girl especially after losing my second child at 14 weeks. But I have a boy – he is sensitive, he tells me he loves me daily and yells if I only kiss him 4 times at night. We go shopping – he wears what I say without a fight – but we go to footy and we have fun on holidays at the beach. I worry being a single mum that he is missing out on permanent mateship – but I feel good knowing he will always be my protector and hopefully still tell me he loves me each day. Boys are a blessing. They get us without bitching!!! We have a girl dog and she is the model dumb blonde chick in our house!!

    • Lisa says:

      Well said Lib. It’s only when no-one’s looking that I drool over fashion magazines. Except I don’t…

      You and Jack are lucky to have each other.

  5. Jen says:

    Has anyone heard of a great quote about boys? As a very thankful mother of boys, and owner of The Wall Sticker Company (see our “Boys Definition” wall sticker pictured), I wondered what you guys think of the quote: “Boy: a noise with dirt on it”. We’ve heard from a couple of mums of boys saying this quote is insulting and doesn’t encourage positive psychology so I’d love to hear what you all think.

    • Lisa says:

      Hi Jen, Oh geez, I just can’t imagine being insulted by that comment. It’s so accurate and not at all demeaning to boys. In fact, to me, it’s endearing.
      Thanks for dropping by 🙂

      Lisa

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