Wasn’t sure whether to write this blog post. Thought long and hard about it. Given there is so much hardship in the world, why should I write about a bad day…particularly when we’re on holidays during school time and we’re all healthy and well? And whether anyone gives a shit really. Probably not but the idea of this blog was to get it out of my head and onto ‘paper’ so I can almost excise it – I’m a dweller and mostly always think the worst. It’s years of ingrained pessimism which I know is being passed onto my kids but there are times when I feel incapable of stopping it. Yesterday was one of those days.
So we’re on holidays. Three weeks of sun, surf, sea, theme parks and at the end – a meditation retreat for me. But yesterday (Saturday) was a shocker – where my mood either set the tone for the day or the kids demands crapped on my mood and it set the tone for the day. Either way, it sucked.
Anth was out for an hour and a half for a run along the beach. A kid had moved in across from us for the weekend and he was going swimming. Dan wanted to go for a swim with him but I just had to clean the caravan. Because I’d been crook and lacking energy and we’d been out theme parking it for days on end, it was just a mess – even for me. I explained what I had to do and that when dad got back he can watch him. But he kept on at me for ages. Yes, I could probably have dumped the van cleaning and sat on my arse and watched the kids swimming for the 2,546,876th time but I was getting so pissed off, I just couldn’t. And when Dan wants something, he just keeps on and on and on and on about it. But I wasn’t going to budge. I was really fuming (clearly something else was at play which I’ll explain later) and this sends me into a spin. My freedom and harmony values start going haywire and given Mitch is also at a stage where he can’t let me or Anth out of his sight, I was wound very tightly.
Anyway, van cleaned, dishes done and Anth rocks back and says something like “why didn’t you just take them to the pool?” (Am I the only parent who, when their kids badger them for something, get completely stubborn about it and don’t give in?) We have a sweary fight which resulted in me grabbing my bag and walking (storming) off. I could hear Mitch wailing “mum, mum” but I just kept going. I went shopping at Harbour Town. I hate shopping so, as my dear friend Rach texted “it must have been bad”.
Thing is, it’s not even that bad. I’ve had kids demanding shit from me before – all the bloody time, don’t we all – but I felt furious, so angry. There were tears from 3 of us, threats to go home and a general pall over the day. My emotional intelligence failed to kick in; my resilience was zero and I truly can’t remember a day where it all felt so bad for a sustained length of time. I felt sick all day. For a pessimist, I do seem to recover quite quickly but not yesterday. We did go to Mt Tamborine on the hinterland but it was a weird day. Well worth a visit though – the scones where we had lunch (I’d tell you where if any of us could remember the name!) were yummo. Dan’s peanut butter sandwich was, I believe, quite delicious too. Good to see him being so adventurous food wise.
So, to summarise our past few days: Wet n Wild – awesome. Seaworld – great, the Dolphin show was my favourite and Mitch got to participate in the show and today (the day after the crappy day) was fine. We finally went to Surfers Paradise and had an afternoon at the beach. And I got my period a week early. That could explain a lot of yesterday…sorry if that’s TMI (TMI is too much information dad if you’re reading!!!)
Tomorrow (Monday) is our final full day here at the Gold Coast. Not sure what we’re doing but given it’s supposed to be a nice day, we might head back to Movie World and Wet n Wild after a very early morning at Surfers Paradise to see what it looks like just after sunrise. And boy, given there’s no daylight savings, it rises bloody early!
Thanks for listening to my first world problems. xx