45 and counting

The Black Hole at Wet n Wild. Okay, tenuous link to my brain but I’m away at the moment and don’t have a lot to choose from.

Life’s a funny thing isn’t it? All around me, I see people who I think are leading the lives they want to. I always have the urge to ask them if this is true but I know I’d be looked at like I’m a nut job…plus not everyone wants to admit they’re not entirely happy with their lives; that they’d rather not be in the job they’re in, their relationships are faltering and their children are giving them more grief than they let on.

In essence I think I’m pretty bloody lucky. Great partner, healthy boys, a roof over my head, constant holidays(!!), enough money to live a comfortable life, volunteer stuff. There’s actually nothing else I need materially. Nothing. There’s stuff I want but nothing I need. Cos really, it’s just stuff. I have everything I need.

But, but, but…(and I’m finding it hard to articulate here) I’m still “um so yeah, what now?” Is it just me? I ask myself, if I were to wave a magic wand, what would I want to be doing and the answer is I don’t really know. So I do nothing and lose the motivation to do anything and the will to live. Actually not the last bit, I put that in to see whether you were paying attention.

So, what to do? At the moment, I’m going to sit with it. Just sit with it. Not fight it. Not over-examine it, just sit with it. I have a sneaking suspicion that this time next week I’ll know a little more.

Do you have that ‘what now’ feeling? Have you had it and the answer to that question has been revealed to you? How?

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4 Responses to 45 and counting

  1. MichaelaC says:

    I have ADD and am constantly crsving stimulation and excitement. I have a full time job plus 2 blogs plus a jewellery “business”. I’m constantly asking what now and do am drowning in new projects constantly. I get bored at the drop of a hat.

    After all that drivel I guess that means yep I have that feeling all the time lol xxx

    • Lisa B says:

      Haha! I don’t need constant stimulation, in fact I’d be happy to lie on the couch and read for days. I think what it is is that I’ve been doing the same thing work wise for 10 years to fit in with my kids and I’m possibly missing a sense if connection with people, introverted though I am. Kids are older, though they still need their mum but not in that intensive type of way as they do when they’re little. Constant mind f**k 🙂

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